so painful....

It can never be call pain to what I'm feeling... 'cause there are so many people who are in REAL PAIN... more than I can never imagine... but I do not feel good anyway.. When things start to look up good and nice, they tend to fall apart, you can't even enjoy the happiness as it should be.. I know so well what I am supposed to do to get done with it, but I'm not doing anything for that.. And I think that hurts even more, 'casue then I'm the one who's hurting myself, and even though I can stop it.. I don't... I don't do anything... It's really horrible what I'm doing to myself.. even though I get tired.. I still can't escape from it...
Will I end up broken again? As it happened already countless times... Or is it going to get better this time? With just a little faith... just a little more strength, then maybe, yes, It'll be better... Please keep on praying with me ♥ I really need everyone's support ... even if you don't know exactly what it is... Is nice to know if there's someone who actually believes in me.. But really, I must believe in myself... and I ask myself so many times, Why is it so difficult? Why can't I believe and trust myself when I know I have all this capacity? .. See? that's what it hurts.. the most.....